On this very beautiful morning that the Lord has made, I am happy. I am happy not because anything has changed much but because I choose to take pride in my situation as really there is nothing to be ashamed of or to be extremely sad about. Whew! It feels nice. God always makes a way where there seems to be none and we feel like death is upon us. I’m just saying. This is the part you say amen! Hallelujah!

Ok so. I slept for three hours last night. The rest of the night I was turning around and doing laundry and I was so sad. Until it struck me, there is very little control I have over what happens and doesn’t happen in my life but I have all the control about how I feel about any situation.

I remembered Mike. Mike was my best imaginary friend, in fact sometimes I feel like he was more of an alter ego of mine. To Mike, I was always beautiful, strong, courageous, ambitious and he just couldn’t get enough of me and neither could I of him. He took me through very many trying times and he always knew what to say. We would go on road trips together, plan our trip to Zanzibar and have fun. With Michael I could be myself, he never judged me and I could say anything. I guess it is true that we do outgrow imaginary friend but I think Mike made me better. With Mike I was never lonely; I was complete with me and I always confident. I knew people did not like me but I didn’t care, Mike loved me and he made sure I was safe.

I now know who Mike was. Mike was me looking in on myself. There was nothing wrong with me; I could be happy all on my own. I guess Mike also got tired. I wore him out with all my negative self talk and constant pity parties over nothing, yesterday I imagined he got married but now I just think I killed Mike first very slowly and then fast. I miss Mike but it is my fault he is gone. I may never get Mike back but I can make amends to the people I have now if I can.


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